It has been four months since my last post, and during this time, a whirlwind of events has unfolded. I have come to realize the importance of establishing a more structured schedule to maintain a consistent posting routine. Despite my passion for various activities with William, I often find myself losing track of time. As a result, I increasingly rely on visual aids to keep track of dates and deadlines.
Well for starters William has been doing do well. We are seeing an increase in vocabulary beyond my wildest dreams. I never thought Id live to hear him say, “I love You Mommy” or tell me just yesterday, ” I want Chicken and potatoes today” The preservation on his sister hurting him I wish I could make it go away. The only thing that I know for sure still is he tells what happen the same. Nothing has changed. She must have done it when I wasn’t looking, that’s all I know for sure. His heart is broken still after all this time. He tells me he just wanted her to play with him. I’m trying not to hate.
Frequency of dissociation has significantly reduced. Upon reflection, we didn’t require his rescue medication for the entirety of October. An expanded vocabulary has played a significant role in this positive change. Additionally, I have incorporated the question “What would you like to dream about?” into our nightly routine. I cherish his responses.
” Making Angels In The Snow’
“Sleep in a bed of Resse Cups”
I didn’t realize but his caseworker said it was a great idea because it gives him a form of control and at times while he’s in a deep sleep and he seems anxious I talk to him in his subconscious mind when he dreams about the trauma. I found out he talks even more clear during this time.
But on to better things. With his vocabulary expanding. Behaviors are decreasing apparently from what’s been explained to me that is a good sign.
Recently when we are out in the community I ran into a teacher I use to work in the same building with and the word school was used. For some reason it was a trigger about his sister and he started to get angry. For safety I pulled the car over ( I had to many close calls driving while he was disassociating) And planned for the worst. The voice started to get loud and I knew it was coming. I made no eye contact (that make things worse) and just looked straight ahead. Then all the sudden he says, “Mommy I’m sorry she just makes me mad” He was genially mad at her. I wanted to cheer for him but I had to keep it calm. I validated his feelings. Then he said, ” I love her she betrayed me.”
All I could do was cry, He was right she betrayed us both. Especially him. All I could do was validate and agree. I was so shocked by him expressing himself I was afraid to say anything wrong to mess this moment up. When I feel that way I do something related to his cartoons. I asked if he wanted a mint. He said, “yes”
I put one in my mouth and imitated “Teen Titans” where Star Fire ate a mint and breathed outward to make it like ice. He started to laugh (he knew what I was doing) and started to script that scene and he was quickly back to his old self. I asked if he wanted to go home and he said he was done.
It has been quite challenging for me to create some distance between my family and myself, as they have been triggering both me and Pooh. However, I recognized that it was necessary for Pooh’s well-being. Taking this step was crucial, and it’s interesting how everything eventually falls into place. I no longer feel trapped in discussions about the past, and I no longer need to justify myself. Although I may be alone, I have finally found peace within.
